On Twitter.

This weekend, a blog reader said to me that my offering was like something that was laid waste by a nuclear explosion earlier this year.  From verdant life to profound death.  Nothing at all; not even a squeak.  And then spindly little shoots that try  to grow but soon disappear. 

“Here is a recipe.  Now fuck off again”.  Was how he put it.

I realise that this is not how it is supposed to be and I remain determined to become a once a week at least type poster but you know.  Baby steps, dear readers. I am only now starting to return to the land of the alive after the valley of death.  I can’t be posting like a good ‘un quite yet.

This week, I will expound on Twitter as I do have to eat a few of my words. 

Not all,  but enough that it is a meal worth mentioning.

If you have been a reader for a long time, you will know how deep my aversion to this medium was and I have to now admit that I was wrong.  It isn’t the medium.  It is some of the messengers.

Twitter can be a great thing.  It does keep you amazingly well informed; it makes you laugh (sometimes) and it even makes you think some other times.  The secret lies in who you choose to follow.  This is absolutely crucial.

Some rules. :-

1.       NEVER follow anyone who tweets an endless stream of banal rot on minutia. Not even nearest and dearest want to know this stuff, surely?  Sadly, some people who occasionally have good information are guilty of this and when that is the case, it becomes a dilemma.  Generally though, after about 4 tweets on some turgid event, I unfollow forthwith.

2.       The same goes for those who rarely tweet but when they do, discuss cat, TV, nail polish etc.  Do people not stop to think about who, exactly, is going to benefit from the knowledge that they have just lost their umbrella?

3.       Doubly so for people who tweet the bleeding fucking obvious.  “Its raining again” etc. 

4.       And finally triply so for Proclaimers.  Those suffused with smug pomposity who believe passionately in the profound importance of their every pronouncement.  This is a misguided belief on the whole and is painful to witness. 

So don’t.

5.       Do not be tempted to have a look at some of the topics which are trending.  The general quality of tweets here will bring you to the very brink.   Unspeakable.

 The rule should be that if a Tweet does not make followers laugh or think or is not an insightful comment and does not alert them to something worth knowing about (be this riots or recipes);  the idea of it should be abandoned long before the fingers hit the trigger.

Which brings me to my next point.  The 140 characters.  From a writers point of view, I actually quite like this.  It is a discipline which is important to learn –  always much more difficult to write less. 

Having said that,  so little in life is black and white and the brevity of 140 means that often, it is impossible to say exactly what you intend.  You are left with having to get as close to that as possible and not being exact generally brings me out in a rash.

A rash I can probably learn to live with though, so if you haven’t already done so, consider signing up.  We have only been tweeting for 2 weeks and are nearly up to 100 followers.  Woo hoo!   If you become one by Friday, you could win 2 places on our next ‘How to Taste’ session on Sept 19^th.  Tell your friends.  Start a riot.

@gandbwines.com